oshi?

All along I've been thinking I'm an AKB fan, with Mayu as my oshi. But these few days I've been thinking long and hard. Is that really true???

Or am I just a Mayu fan, and Mayu just so happens to be in AKB, thus I'm liking AKB?

There's some reasoning to it as well..

I started off knowing Mayu first, then got into AKB a month later. She's the one who brought me into this 48G/46 world. Without Mayu, I wouldn't be in this fandom. 

In all AKB activities, I'm always looking out for Mayu. Thankfully, as a popular member, she's almost on all media activities. Plenty of Mayu to keep me satisfied. This continued for slightly over a year.

Fast forward to 2015. Mayu's primetime drama lead role. Due to the busy schedule, she drifted away from AKB activities. Performances on music shows rarely had Mayu present, due to filming. I realised.. I don't have much motivation to watch these performances anymore. I've been taking Mayu's regular appearances on music shows for granted. Only when she's absent do I realise I'm only enjoying these performances because of Mayu. I didn't even follow Bokutachi's performances actively. Even when I did watch it, I didn't pay as much attention as I did when Mayu was around.

Starting from March, Mayu's solo work has increased. At the same time, time spent involving myself in AKB stuff decreased. I found my motivation level to keep myself updated on AKB news getting lower with each passing day. On the other hand, those time spent on AKB stuff were now spent on Mayu, and maybe a little on Mion. 

During MST periods, my free time decreased tremendously since I had to mug so much. I barely kept myself updated on Mayu, much less AKB. Not being updated on AKB became something I was used to by the end of MSTs. I found it hard to get back into the rhythm. I then realised something - I'm only following Mayu.

After 4 busy months of Mayu's solo activities, with filming wrapped up as well, everything suddenly feels so quiet now. This change left me craving for Mayu stuffs so badly. I'm slowly getting back into AKB, but even with their constant activities I can't help but feel like my life is lacking something, or rather, someone important - Mayu. 

Maybe, one day, when Mayu graduates, my interest level in AKB will dip a lot. Doubt I'll completely lose interest though, there's still Mion to keep me interested. But I can foresee myself focusing on Mayu's solo work most of the time, with AKB as a topping. 

And this brings me back to my main topic.

Am I simply just a fan of Mayu, who just so happens to be in AKB, thus I'm liking AKB?