if i had to describe myself, i guess i'd say i'm the kind of person who really hates letting chances slip by. this is most visibly reflected by my frequent trips to japan; i really can't let myself forgo these chances.
who knows for how long more Mayu will be in this group? once she graduates, it'll be a million times harder to meet her - no more simply clicking buttons, having a 95% chance of winning your application, pay for tickets, and off to japan you go. this is why i really treasure every chance i have to be able to meet Mayu.
Jeanette, as well. why would i be so desperate till the extent of bawling my eyes out whenever i wasn't allowed to attend her events? because i'd be letting these chances slip past my eyes, yet i am helpless to stop it.
not only my fangirl life; real life as well. things like exchange programmes to japan. i was so strongly determined to pass the interview (which i failed, in the end) simply because it's a chance. a chance to experience high school life in japan - how long can you stay as a 17-19 year old? the next step would be university already - no more high school life.
and now this. i guess i can express my thoughts properly now that my blog is private.
mayu's solo live / event
i'm really, really, really determined to attend her solo live. which was why i bought 16 freaking CDs and asked around for extra application tickets. i have 25 applications tickets in total. i've used 12 in the first round of applications - and i only won my application for Mayu's voice recording event. not her solo live. i'm more frustrated and sad than i may seem.
a solo live. you can more or less say this is a goal in my bucket list. to attend Mayu's solo live. heck, even attending akb concerts isn't in my bucket list - it'd be nice to attend, but i wouldn't fly all the way there just for a normal concert. i'm saying normal, because i'd fly there for graduation concerts and things like that. if i ever won an application for it.
anyway, bringing this back to topic. her last single was in 2013. who knows when will her next single be? definitely not in the near future. in order to have a single, she needs a tie-up with it. an endorsement, a drama, anything. but i don't see something like that coming in the near future. who knows if the circumstances will allow me to attend her next solo live (if there was one)? since i can make it now, why not do it?
but i'm scared.
scared that i won't be able to make the trip. because of various private matters.
i really can't see myself giving up this once-in-a-lifetime chance. this matter is weighing heavily on me.
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