mayu's solo event.

MAYU'S SOLO EVENT.

HANDS DOWN THE BEST EVENT EVER.

Let's see..

This event was a really emotional one. 

Even after more than a month later, I can still cry upon thinking back.

Back when I was applying for her solo events/live, I wanted to win the cheki session so badly. I mean, it's a polaroid with Mayu!!!!!! But sadly I didn't even tho i spent around 2-3 tickets on cheki applications. 

But I won the voice recording session with just 1 ticket. LOL 

Initially I only won the voice recording session in the 1st round of applications. I was so worried about how things would turn out initially because (i) I didn't want to fly all the way there just to record her voice, but (ii) I didn't want to let this opportunity slip by either. Luckily, I won the solo lives so all's good.

Event started at 13:00. They'll start the administrative stuffs at 12:00.

Venue: Nogizaka Building

Prior to the event, aka from the time I won my application which was way back in June, I kept thinking about what to get Mayu to say. I didn't want typical stuffs like "ganbare~" and the likes. I couldn't decide so kept procrastinating. And the result of procrastinating? I still had no idea what to get Mayu to say ON THE DAY ITSELF. LOL.

I had some rough plans, but nothing confirmed. But one thing's for sure, I wanted Mayu to speak some english. HAHAHAH

But things didn't turn out the way I expected...

Reached the venue!

And guess what.........

YOU WERE ONLY ALLOWED 5 CHARACTERS MAX. LOL WTF. dk to laugh or cry.

Good thing was I can scrape all ideas I had, which weren't finalised yet. Bad thing was I had to scrape all ideas I had, including asking Mayu to speak english.

Sigh.

Then I kept wondering what phrase would be good. And with my limited Japanese it's reallyyyyyyyyyyyy hard. I can't ask her to say "isabelle, purin" either, so yeah LOL. 

After mulling on it for veryyyyyyy long, I finally decided on this......

A very typical, non-unique one: "isabelle, ganbare". HAHAHAHAH

After more waiting and letting those who won kamiseki & special passes go in first, we were finally called to queue~

Omg I was so nervous I swear. Since the night of the previous day I was so nervous about meeting Mayu I constantly had stomachaches. Even on the train.... while walking to the venue.... I WAS SO NERVOUS ALL THE TIME.

In the queue, they checked our bags. That's when I realised they didn't do bag checks and all for the solo live the previous day. Which was pretty good, because I could at least experience events without all the added security. But it's bad also, because it's really unsafe considering the distance between Mayu and fans...... but it's all good. Nothing happened, I'm glad. 

Wristband pass & the ticket~

I WAS STILL SOOOOOOO NERVOUS.

The room itself wasn't very spacious, just enough for a queue to form at the front and seats at the back for those who won kamiseki. There was a small stage as well, with a table & a chair on it, like typical autograph sessions at shopping malls, you know what I mean.

After more waiting and with increasing nervousness levels..... the event finally started! Mayu's friend, Namio came out to do the MC first! 

And suddenly from the corner of the stage, I saw the curtain opened a bit and Mayu's face popped out. LOLLLLLLLLL

Maybe it wasn't very obvious, but I can't say that with certainty, but since not many people cheered I'm guessing many didn't see Mayu? But it can't be that case as well, the stage is so small too. But yeah. Mayu's face popped out and then she covered it till only her eyes can be seen. LOL SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then her friend continued talking and doing the intros and suddenly Mayu opened the curtains wide and revealed her full self. HAHAHAHAH. And of course everyone noticed it because loud cheers! Then she closed it..... i think? I can't remember omg.

After the intros and all were over, we called for Mayu and she appeared~ In the same Deai no Tsuzuki dress.

She had a short exchange with us fans, and these are what I can remember:

(Mayu to the fans at the kamiseki)

Fans: We can't see anythinggggg (bc we were all queuing infront)

oh oops ok I can't remember EXACTLY what she said but it was something cute as usual... maybe something along the lines of like "just hear me" or like "try your best" something like that............ omg I really can't remember wow...

(Mayu to us, those who won the voice recording)

Fans: (complaining) 5 characters is too short!!!!!

Mayu: Too short? Sorryyyy (短い？ごめん) <--- IN A VERY CUTE VOICE AND EXPRESSION!!!!!!!!!

Then without further ado, the event started. As you can see from the picture, I'm #20. My turn's coming soon.......... NERVOUSNESS LEVEL MAX

The entire room was asked to remain silent so that the voice recording could be clear and all. And after the first guy ended and he was walking off, Mayu said out loud "That was (name)~" and her friend was like "Mayu don't expose (their names)!!" HAHAHAHAHA

But Mayu being Mayu, she obviously didn't care and while she didn't do that for every person, she did it randomly. And each time she did it, the whole room burst out laughing. HAHAHA

Closer to my turn, they had staffs check our phrases to ensure it's fine. Then we were ushered on stage...... omg I'm so nervous like now while writing this omg can I even write this properly omg

(DEEP BREATH)

Okay. 

One by one, the people in front of me finished their turns. Slowly, very slowly, my turn was approaching. I WAS SO NERVOUS OMG I HAVEN'T MET MAYU FOR 9 MONTHS

And finally........

My turn......

(omg im smiling to myself like an idiot and my face is so hot while writing this)

Before the recording, she would read out our names as a form of practice or something idk.

She read out my name then she paused for a moment. I thought she paused because it was in katakana and OBVIOUSLY not a Japanese name so like y'know something different from the first 19 people or something. 

Just when I was about to say I'm from SG..

Guess what she said.....?????????!!!!!!!!

"Isabelle? Eh? You're the one from twitter..?"

AND OBVIOUSLY I WAS SO SHOCKED BECAUSE THAT DEFINITELY WASN'T WHAT I EXPECTED??????? Then Mayu continued:

"I always see your mentions on twitter"

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

No no no no no no wait what?

Here, in front of me, is my idol telling me she sees my twitter mentions??????

The idol that is so popular in Japan and is even known internationally, the idol that receives hundreds of replies with each tweet she posts, the idol that I never imagined would notice me because we live 5000km away, is telling me she sees my mentions and she even remembers my name???

To be honest, one reason why I was so shocked was because from the day she created Twitter, I told myself NOT to expect anything. Don't expect her to read my replies or anything, considering how busy she is and the amount of replies she gets. Bottom line: have no expectations.

Fun fact: I wrote my name on the paper for this event in katakana, イザベル, and my twitter name is "isabelle". Despite that she still knows it's me.

I could only nod continously, while being TOO shocked.

Then she started recording the phrase and for the final "chat" we had..

(chat in quotes because I was too shocked to say anything.... as usual like last year's HS)

Mayu: thank you always!!! (いつもありがとう！！)

Me: (smiling like an idiot and probably blushing like mad and nodding i guess idk)

Not sure if Mayu said "bye bye" when I was leaving, but I'll just leave this here as part of memory in case I forget. (Write more better than writing less hahahah)

While leaving, she kept looking at me, smiling and waving happily. I didn't even know if I should walk away because she kept looking, waving and smiling at me LOLLLLL so if I walked away it's like rejecting her IDKKKKK.

Then she said out loud "that was isabelle~~" and yeah it earned laughters from the crowd because she's still exposing our names LOL

After FINALLY walking down the stage, I was brought outside and asked to playback my recording to check it's fine. My phone's volume was high and the recording scared me by being too loud LOL. 

Then I walked out of the building smiling like an idiot....i couldn't even stop smiling when walking past strangers & the security guard LOLOLOL. I think they understand anyway~

I just had to take a photo and at the building itself was quite impossible bc rather embarassing & there's a guard there, maybe he'd stop me from taking photos. Besides, the building was nothing much because we initially gathered at the carpark and the building exterior was just a black wall and I don't even know if the name Nogizaka building was on it. So really not much stuffs that stand out that shouts "MAYU'S SOLO EVENT". 

The next closest thing, I guess, is with the station name LOL. It's not bad because

(i) It constantly reminds me of the venue itself, Nogizaka building &

(ii) Nogizaka46

HAHAHAHHA

Some regrets I have were not being able to tell Mayu things like I'm from SG, her solo live was good, I'll be going to 2shots in Mar next year..

It's always like that wtf. I'd plan what to say and practice so hard so as not to stumble, then I'd meet Mayu and she'd say something unexpected (like during HS last year, she remembers I'm from SG and now this where she knows me), then I'll get all shocked and blank out and end up nodding whatever time I have with her away, then walk out, calm down, and start regretting not saying whatever I wanted to say.

lol.

I eventually wrote a letter to her so hopefully my thoughts are properly delivered to her.

But overall, like I said, hands down the best event ever.

mayu's solo live.

wefoefjweif SOLO LIVE DAY!!!!!!! My dream is finally going to come true on this day :')

(i successfully woke up yay)

Ok the reason why i woke up that early was bc i planned to reach the venue at 8am to queue for goods which started selling at 9am. It's my first time with stuffs like this so i had no idea how things would flow. One biggest shock was when i read twitter and people were already otw at 6am. SIX IN THE MORNING. Oh god. I was so scared goods would sell out very fast but nah things were fine hehe.

 

loots~ including those i bought for my friends. hahaha 

(think i spent more than 20,000yen/SGD230 omg) 

lugging everything, especially 6 of that huge urethane penlight for the whole day was tiring and a chore.

okay 1st performance! got the 8th row, closer than what i expected so i was rlly happy.

(so thankful for female seats)

1200-1245 / doors open 1030

Setlist:

M01 Deai no Tsuzuki

M02 Kiss no Sonar Oto

M03 Itsu Demo Soba ni Ite Ageru

M04 Saisho no Jack

M05 Onna no Ko Nara

EN01 Magirashiteiru

Some thoughts: 

Since it's my live ever, yes i've never been to a concert before, i was really excited because i had no idea how it'd be. So overall it was a real blast because everything was just so new and fresh. 

Before it began, Mayu made an announcement saying the usual stuffs like no videography or audio recording, silent your phones etcetc. And with each "instruction" she told us, fans would reply "Okay~" and Mayu went "thanks". It was so cute HAHAHA

Mayu also said she was really nervous because her last solo live was back in 2013. 

Deai no Tsuzuki was really great. I've tried singing that song a couple of times but it's just really difficult and I'd get all out of breath in the middle & end up out of tune. So listening to Mayu's beautiful voice was just really admirable. I didn't memorise the songs Mayu would be singing for the Request Corner so it was kind of fun to guess which songs were which (I'm not very familiar with her past solo B-side songs). 

As for Onna no Ko Nara, Mayu went down to the audience to throw signed balls and as soon as she did that, I could see everyone around me trying to find desperately where Mayu was but to no avail. So we were just waving our urethane penlights blankly LOLOL. The song ended midway before Mayu returned to the stage, and she was so cute when she said the song ended LOL. Once she returned to the stage, she had this bigger-than-usual ball and she threw it to the female section!! She even confidently declared it'd reach the last row. But of course since it's Mayu, it ended up at the 2nd row. LOL

Then it was encore and Mayu appeared in that black dress!! And she was looking to the right (her left) of the stage for the backstage staff to bring out the mic, but the staff came out from the left (her right) and Mayu didn't realise until the mic was infront of her bc she's busy looking at the other direction LOLOLOLOL. Magirashiteiru was really good!!!!!! Mayu was so perfect?!?! And that dress omggggg. Oh she also mentioned the screen facing her on the stage showed the setlist, and they typed Magirashiteiru as Magirawashiteiru LOL. She then said many ppl also didn't know how to pronounce it properly hahahaha.

MCs:

Typical water-drinking scene

Fans: How does the water taste~??

Mayu: Urethane flavour~ (Her designed penlight was called Urethane penlight and Mayu was obsessed with the word Urethane she kept repeating it and said the word would trend)

Fans: Let me drink the water~

Mayu: No

Others

- Mayu shorted Onna no Ko Nara to Onara, which means fart

- Mayu was memorised by the huge lightsticks and said could look at them for 3 hours LOL

And as with all fun things, 45 mins passed in the wink of an eye...

But I still had 2 more lives so I was still really hyped!!!! 

Overall it was a really really really perfect live, considering the fact it's also my first live ever.

Oh and went to grab some snacks in between and while chilling on the streets and eating, a bee just wouldn't leave me alone :(

==================================================================

2nd performance!

1530-1615 / doors open 1400

Setlist:

M01 Deai no Tsuzuki

M02 Mayuyuroid

M03 Taiyou to Sanpo

M04 Seifuku Identity

M05 Yuugure to Hoshizora no Aida

EN01 Magirashiteiru

Ok the setlist is basically the same with M02-M05 changed, but the overall flow is still the same so gonna skip writing a whole chunk of paragraphs here. It's basically a copy of what I wrote previously but with different song names LOL. And Mayu has more or less gotten use to it so she's less nervous than the 1st live now~

Oh I was particularly excited for M03 because Mayu once mentioned on her G+ she likes that song! So it was like my dream to see her perform it :')

During the throwing of signed balls in M05, she said she'd aim to the 2nd floor but ended up at 2nd row again HAAHAHAH oh Mayu.

In the 1st live, Mayu's fringe was just down naturally and she complained it was a burden. So now she put her fringe behind her ear~

MCs:

Typical water-drinking scene

Fans: Soft water? Hard water?

Mayu: Eh~ what is it... I'll check later!

Fans: Irohasu? (Mineral water brand)

Mayu: Product name LOL. I can't say it. Adult matters.

Others

Small kid: Mayuyu kawaii!

Mayu: You're cuterrrrr

Mayu: If only we can get all the kids on stage

Mayu: It'll be like an educational programme LOL

Mayu: Those who were here for the 1st live~~!

Fans: (Loud cheers)

Mayu: Ohh~~~ The same people..... Just different seats?? LOL

Mayu: Then, who's here for the first time~?

Fans: (Loud cheers)

Mayu: Ohh.. The calculations doesn't match LOL

OMG SO CUTE HAHAHAHAH. Mayu's MCs never fail to make me laugh!!! So dorky and adorable weijfwojfaosiegj

==================================================================

the last and final performance..

1830-1925 / doors open 1700

Setlist:

M01 Deai no Tsuzuki

M02 Koyubi no Hohoemi

M03 Sayonara no Hashi

M04 Triangler

M05 Yokogao Romance

EN01 Magirashiteiru

EN02 Synchro Tokimeki

Gonna highlight 2 songs here: Triangler & Synchro Tokimeki. 

Firstly, Triangler. IT WAS PERFECT. Like wow. Just wow. Hearing her sing this song live is like a dream to me. She also mentioned Sakamoto Maaya, the original singer, asking Mayu to cover it personally. It's really such an honour. :')

Mayu was really nervous singing this song. She mentioned that when she was singing Sayonara no Hashi she was SOOOO NERVOUS because Triangler's coming up!! HAHAHA And after Triangler ended, she did this very cute little dance-sort-of-like thing, like relieving her nervousness through shaking. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA CUTENESS LEVEL MAX SERIOUSLY.

And Synchro Tokimeki!! Mayu added that song specially because it was the final performance!!!!!!!!! And omg the whole venue was really really really hyped up and you could hear the cheers being louder than usual and the overall atmosphere then was just PERFECT. Idol Mayu with loud cheers everywhere. PERFECT.

Oh, also wanna mention I had an aisle seat for the first time in all 3 lives, which I was really looking forward to since Mayu would be walking around the audience!! Obviously I didn't know there was the surprise EN02 song so I thought she'd come down at M05. I was soooo excited only to be disappointed when she didn't come down. :( 

But then later during EN02 she came down!! And omg Mayu was SOOOOO NEAR to me!!!!!!!!!!! Sadly when she was beside my row she was looking at the other direction so didn't had any eye contact with her :( But it's okay she was damn near to me. Oh she also mentioned in the earlier lives, this distance is even closer than in HS!

In her usual throwing balls scene, for the biggest ball, she was REALLY serious. Like very serious. She put her mic down, did "warmups", and practiced various throwing poses. Like volleyball poses, baseball pitcher poses, etc.. HAHAHAHAH With a very serious face as well. And the result? It reached the 5th row! Best result ever! HAHAAHA

MCs:

Typical water-drinking scene

Fans: What flavour is the water??

Mayu: Karaage flavour

Others

Mayu: You might have to carry your urethane penlights with it sticking out of your bags, please be aware of that.

Mayu: Those who came for all 3 lives~~~!!!

Fans: (Loud cheers)

Mayu: Y'all enjoyed the first day of Silver Week right~

Fans: Don't know about Silver Week!!

Mayu: Idk too!

(While saying goodbye)

Mayu: Let's meet someday again~ At some event or HS LOL

Mayu: Those coming for the event tomorrow, see you tmrw LOL

==================================================================

After everything ended, went for dinner! Was VERY hungry because for the entire day I only had 2 pieces of bread and drinks. #lifeofafan

My first ramen in this trip!!!!!!! They were really generous with the chashu as well. Yummmmmm.

Final thoughts:

To summarise everything in one sentence, it'd be: I CAN NOW LIVE WITHOUT REGRETS.

But really. It has always been my dream to attend her solo live and that was why I was so insistent on attending this. Even had to persuade my parents to let me go.. The things I'd do for an idol. Hahaha. 

All 3 lives were really great - especially the last one. Wish I could relive this day again.

Some official pics~

 

And for a comparison as to exactly how big the penlights were:

(Took this pic from http://akb48taimuzu.livedoor.biz/archives/46326826.html, credits to the owner.)

society

Bokura ga Kangaeru Yoru.

So there's this show which I'm not following regularly, but Mayu appeared on today's ep so I had to watch it. The topic was regarding women who marry for wealth.

Firstly, and most importantly, what made me the most glad was that Mayu was the only guest AKB member who said she wouldn't marry for wealth. (Paru, Haruu & Abemaru all said they wanted to)

"I won't marry for wealth"

"You'll become insensitive towards feelings"

People may be skeptical, saying stuffs like "she's only saying this for TV". But based on what I know and feel from her, I know she's not that kind of person. And I believe in her as well.

They had a survey as well; 69% of females thought about marrying for wealth in one way or another. 10% didn't think about it at all, and 21% rarely thought about it.

This made me very disappointed tbh. I do know people want a rich husband and all. I'm not that oblivious to what's happening nowadays. But I never expected only 31% are on the disapproving end. And the fact that 69% of females actually want to marry for wealth.

Then there's these guests who married for wealth and were called on the show.

Woman A: "Bored of seeing the same view at night"

Woman B: "Land and construction cost 160,000,000JPY (S$1,767,084)"

All these 2 women did on the show was share about their married life which mostly included bragging, in a way, on how much their things cost. Things like their wedding ring, jewelry, interior deco blah blah. Things that I can't be bothered with.

Main point is, is bragging all they can do? Nothing else? One of them also shared about how her husband rarely comes home (or something along those lines) due to work commitments. Is this what happiness means to them?? If so, it's rather disappointing to know that.

And now, the main purpose of my post: a rant.

Is wealth that important? Yes, I know, speaking realistically you need money to survive. What I meant was, do you need to be comforted with large sums of money? Typical saying, but you can't bring them with you when you pass on. Why do you want to marry a guy who brings in an annual income of S$5 million? What use does it have? You don't need that much money to survive.

Why are people comforting themselves with money? And buying branded goods - is it even necessary? A bag is a bag, paying hundreds just for the brand is ridiculous. Sure, you can have a few here and there occasionally - it's just human nature. But drowning yourselves in branded goods? No. I find it disgusting to some extent. Doing things, even horrible things, for the sake of money and things like that. Why the greed? And marrying for money and not love is downright disgusting. Shouldn't love be the main reason you marry someone? Why has society changed for the worse? 

Why are people's expectations getting higher and higher with each passing day? Is it terribly wrong to just wish for a peaceful, stable lifestyle, with the one you love, have a happy family, etc? Besides, marriages for money probably can't last long anyway. And for most, you'll end up having arguments about money matters. Is it really worth it all? IMO, no. 

And call me traditional or old-fashioned or whatever, but I do not exactly approve of divorces. Well, unless it's really necessary like violence and affairs and things like that. You get what I mean. But divorces because of other reasons like finding out he or she is not the one? It can be avoided right? That's what dating periods are for. Getting to know each other. But nowadays people just rush into marriages here and there and end up getting divorced. It's saddening to know people are making light of marriages nowadays. 

I guess that's all to my rant though. Ending it off with a couple of really cute Mayu caps ♥

oshi?

All along I've been thinking I'm an AKB fan, with Mayu as my oshi. But these few days I've been thinking long and hard. Is that really true???

Or am I just a Mayu fan, and Mayu just so happens to be in AKB, thus I'm liking AKB?

There's some reasoning to it as well..

I started off knowing Mayu first, then got into AKB a month later. She's the one who brought me into this 48G/46 world. Without Mayu, I wouldn't be in this fandom. 

In all AKB activities, I'm always looking out for Mayu. Thankfully, as a popular member, she's almost on all media activities. Plenty of Mayu to keep me satisfied. This continued for slightly over a year.

Fast forward to 2015. Mayu's primetime drama lead role. Due to the busy schedule, she drifted away from AKB activities. Performances on music shows rarely had Mayu present, due to filming. I realised.. I don't have much motivation to watch these performances anymore. I've been taking Mayu's regular appearances on music shows for granted. Only when she's absent do I realise I'm only enjoying these performances because of Mayu. I didn't even follow Bokutachi's performances actively. Even when I did watch it, I didn't pay as much attention as I did when Mayu was around.

Starting from March, Mayu's solo work has increased. At the same time, time spent involving myself in AKB stuff decreased. I found my motivation level to keep myself updated on AKB news getting lower with each passing day. On the other hand, those time spent on AKB stuff were now spent on Mayu, and maybe a little on Mion. 

During MST periods, my free time decreased tremendously since I had to mug so much. I barely kept myself updated on Mayu, much less AKB. Not being updated on AKB became something I was used to by the end of MSTs. I found it hard to get back into the rhythm. I then realised something - I'm only following Mayu.

After 4 busy months of Mayu's solo activities, with filming wrapped up as well, everything suddenly feels so quiet now. This change left me craving for Mayu stuffs so badly. I'm slowly getting back into AKB, but even with their constant activities I can't help but feel like my life is lacking something, or rather, someone important - Mayu. 

Maybe, one day, when Mayu graduates, my interest level in AKB will dip a lot. Doubt I'll completely lose interest though, there's still Mion to keep me interested. But I can foresee myself focusing on Mayu's solo work most of the time, with AKB as a topping. 

And this brings me back to my main topic.

Am I simply just a fan of Mayu, who just so happens to be in AKB, thus I'm liking AKB?

yukirin

regarding yukirin's scandal.

i don't know how to take this properly yet. i'll just let my fingers type on its own since i feel like expressing my thoughts somewhere.

yukirin is my 3rd oshi. i've always adored her because of how close mayu and yukirin are. in fact, she  is the 3rd or 4th member i've come to know.

she was bunshun'd 2 days ago. with tegoshi who is a player. damn, she deserves better & what's with her taste???

anyway.. i don't really know how to take this all in. she's yukirin, an orthodox idol who has publicly shown support for the love-ban rule! yet she did this..

i know, it's her life. we have no right to interfere. yes, that's right. it's indeed her private life, who are we to speak??

but she's an idol. she chose to be one. no one forced her to be one. wasn't it her dream to be an idol as well? she knew that by getting into the group, she'd have to abide with the love-ban rule. i know, some may say "they're allowed to date, just don't get caught" but c'mon. they know very well they're putting themselves in a risky position the moment they decide to take that step. paparazzis like bunshun would be more than happy to publish news like these.

they know their actions, if found out, would not only affect her career, but the group's image as well. granted, akb's image is already perceived rather negatively but still, it affects. and yukirin is not an "un-idol like" idol. she's an orthodox idol. she created that image for herself. orthodox idols have it harder when they are caught in a scandal, simply with the image they chose to portray.

look at mayu. one of the most orthodox of all orthodox idols. until now, no scandals. didn't bunshun say that finding dirt about mayu is one of the hardest thing ever? yes, she's that professional. i believe bunshun would have LOVED to publish dirt about mayu after she won #1 last year. look at them, publishing it after yukirin got #2 this year (they probably expected yukirin to get #1 since the impact would be bigger). YET, bunshun couldn't find any dirt about mayu to publish.

i really don't know. they chose to be idols. they know very well they are exchanging their personal life for their careers. for the less popular ones, yeah they might have some relationships here and there but it's easier to close one eye to those. but for popular ones like yukirin, c'mon, i can't believe she's that dumb to just crush her career which she had built so hard. 

with that said, there's no proof that states both of them are in a dating relationship based on the photos alone. BUT, their close proximity is definitely something to question about. either way, she should know getting close to a guy will not result in anything good..

but anyway, yukirin is my 3rd oshi and that probably won't change soon. although i have to admit, i really can't look at her the same way i did before the scandal. i tried.. but i just can't. but i'll definitely stay here to support her, not run away like her fake fans. 

poor yukirin. not being allowed to post anything on social media, and her twitter is probably bombarded regarding her scandal. oh well.. may everything turn out fine in the end. good luck yukirin.

ramblings, once again.

if i had to describe myself, i guess i'd say i'm the kind of person who really hates letting chances slip by. this is most visibly reflected by my frequent trips to japan; i really can't let myself forgo these chances.

who knows for how long more Mayu will be in this group? once she graduates, it'll be a million times harder to meet her - no more simply clicking buttons, having a 95% chance of winning your application, pay for tickets, and off to japan you go. this is why i really treasure every chance i have to be able to meet Mayu.

Jeanette, as well. why would i be so desperate till the extent of bawling my eyes out whenever i wasn't allowed to attend her events? because i'd be letting these chances slip past my eyes, yet i am helpless to stop it.

not only my fangirl life; real life as well. things like exchange programmes to japan. i was so strongly determined to pass the interview (which i failed, in the end) simply because it's a chance. a chance to experience high school life in japan - how long can you stay as a 17-19 year old? the next step would be university already - no more high school life.

and now this. i guess i can express my thoughts properly now that my blog is private.

mayu's solo live / event
i'm really, really, really determined to attend her solo live. which was why i bought 16 freaking CDs and asked around for extra application tickets. i have 25 applications tickets in total. i've used 12 in the first round of applications - and i only won my application for Mayu's voice recording event. not her solo live. i'm more frustrated and sad than i may seem.

a solo live. you can more or less say this is a goal in my bucket list. to attend Mayu's solo live. heck, even attending akb concerts isn't in my bucket list - it'd be nice to attend, but i wouldn't fly all the way there just for a normal concert. i'm saying normal, because i'd fly there for graduation concerts and things like that. if i ever won an application for it.

anyway, bringing this back to topic. her last single was in 2013. who knows when will her next single be? definitely not in the near future. in order to have a single, she needs a tie-up with it. an endorsement, a drama, anything. but i don't see something like that coming in the near future. who knows if the circumstances will allow me to attend her next solo live (if there was one)? since i can make it now, why not do it?

but i'm scared.

scared that i won't be able to make the trip. because of various private matters.

i really can't see myself giving up this once-in-a-lifetime chance. this matter is weighing heavily on me.

the things that do matter

What exactly are the things that matter? Is it having tons of friends, having a crazy and wild ride in school or having an extraordinary 18th birthday celebration?

For me, none of the above. Cliche, but a few close friends are a million times better than a wide circle of friends. Sure, you may be less lonely and are more likely to not spend time alone. But is it all that important?

2015. The year i turn 18. Eighteen - a big number with a great importance placed on it. It's deeply etched into society's mindset that one's 18th birthday must be a blast. But is it really necessary? I rather spend the time together with those i really care for. It may be a simple celebration, but it'll definitely be a meaningful one.

Really, what are the important things in life? Are we just being led around blindly by our noses, being influenced by our environment? 10 years down the road, will we treasure the things we do now as much? I doubt so.

ramblings

Random ramblings.

I was reading some articles regarding Mayu's new drama.

http://www.ktv.jp/shoten/topics/06.html
http://mantan-web.jp/2015/04/01/20150331dog00m200067000c.html

And I can't help but feel this is a really good experience for Mayu. Coming from an ex-drama fan, the stuffs I read in those articles are something I usually come across from various actors. I fully understand the circumstances. And to imagine Mayu, this precious little kid, experiencing things like this, I really feel like she'll grow a lot and her acting skills will definitely be polished.

All her previous dramas were dramas related to AKB in a way or another. I'm sure the environment in those dramas were less harsh than reality. So, although Mayu has had acting experiences, this is her first "real" drama, to put it in this way. It is only through this that she can fully experience the true toughness in filming, and hopefully from this, she will be able to polish herself even further.

I'm really appreciative of this opportunity Mayu has been given. Seeing her proceed a step closer to her dream makes me touched. And I believe this is her stepping stone into the "real world", free from the protected environment in AKB.

I have big expectations of Mayu, and I'm 100% sure she won't fail them. I look forward to seeing Mayu succeed and making a name for herself out there in the future. And it'll be "Actress, Watanabe Mayu", not "Watanabe Mayu (AKB48)" anymore.

I'll admit, I can't bear to see the Idol Mayu evolve into Actress Mayu. But it's a necessity. Mayu knows it herself too. As much as she (and her fans) wants to be an idol forever, it's impossible. I'll be disappointed, of course, because I won't be able to meet Mayu as easily anymore. But if it's for Mayu's happiness, I'll gladly accept this fact.

無題

え．．最近いろいろ考えてました、、
総選挙のことも、自分のことも。
プライベートな話は書けないだけど総選挙のことを書きますね。

今ストレスがいっぱい。
まゆゆが２連覇ができますか？って毎日考えてます。
もちろん他のまゆゆ推しとかに信じてますけど、
さっしーはリベンジ、ゆきりんは本当に１位取りたいってちょっとだけヒントした。
まゆゆは大丈夫かな？
２連覇行けますか？

去年、まゆゆ推しじゃなくても、１、２票を投票したと思う。
まゆゆが本当に１位に取りたいから。
その１、２票が全部加えると、大きな投票総数になった。
でも、念願の１位を取ったから、あのファンたちが、たぶん、今年まゆゆに投票しないと思う。
私たち、まゆゆ推し、の力足りるかな？

まゆゆが２位になるっていう精神的な準備もちろんあります。
だって、２連覇を達成した人、１人もない。
でも、３位とか本当に嫌。
私が許せるのは１位と２位だけ。

去年、中学校の最後の試験が終わるから高校が開校までは６ヵ月あります。
いっぱい働いた、結局総選挙前お金がかなりあります。
でも、今年そんな長い休みがないので、働くことができません。
お金が。。もちろん、あんまりない。
でも、来週からバイトをスタートするので、ちょっとだけお金が貯めれるといいなー。
去年より投票が増えられるかな、、

あー。
長くなったね。
とにかく、頑張ります。
まゆゆのために。

戦う！書店ガール

I'M SO EXCITED I CAN'T THINK OF ANYWHERE TO SPAZZ BUT HERE

SO HERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YUP! SHOTEN GIRL! NEW TRAILER!!!!!!!!!

ANGRY MAYU!! (≧∇≦)/

CRYING MAYU!! (≧∇≦)/

if you've noticed, i get really excited when pictures of Mayu crying/getting angry come up on the internet. and that is because i really love it when my idols do something "different" - in this case, an expression that isn't the usual smiling and all. and no, i do not mean Mayu crying for real in legit sad atmospheres.

and this is also why i can really go crazy knowing Mayu is gonna act in, no, not a low budget midnight drama, BUT a prime time drama!!!! which means the quality of the drama will be higher, since it's a "real" drama. and i can see different (yet realistic) sides of Mayu!! like y'know, no exaggerated expressions and all. 

i really admire dramas. it's only through dramas that you can portray various characters and also get to experience various scenarios. for example, how often can you be a bad guy and not get caught in real life? or experiencing multiple personality disorder? dramas are something magical. 

i'd love to act someday. yes, i've said it. i really admire actors/actresses. i don't know, maybe it's because the most influential stages of my life (aka 12 years old - present) are spent very closely related to the drama scene. not only Jeanette, but various other actresses as well. 

i really think actors/actresses have one of the most fun jobs. i've even considered studying drama and psychology instead of business. but in the end, i decided to at least have a cert in something stable. it's not as though a cert in drama will land you acting gigs immediately after graduation. but i'm definitely not forcing myself to study business though. i do like finance, so it's not as though my life in poly is draggy and torturing. but hey, doing something different everyday is definitely much more interesting than sitting at a desk facing the computer all day, right?

so beautiful. ♥

HOW CUTE CAN THIS PHOTO BE?!?! Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ

look at those eyes. look at that expression. look at how her lips curve. i can't find a legit reason people would not smile after looking at this.

and that's it i guess.

oh and i've decided to update my dayre regularly from now on, so yeah do check it out! (nah i know no one will actually check it out but i'll still update for memory purposes)

my journey with Jeanette ♥

6 years have passed since i started liking Jeanette. well, you definitely wouldn't know the exact date when you started "falling in love" (to put it in that sense) with someone, but the time i discovered i liked Jeanette should be around end Jan - end Apr 2009. when i was very young, like 13 or so, i insisted to myself that i started liking Jeanette on 25th January 2009, for the sake of counting the exact number of days i've became a fan HAHAHA. i have no idea why 25th January.

i strongly remember the reason that made me a Jeanette fan though - one very memorable scene in The Little Nyonya. till today, that scene remains etched in my mind clearly. and i remember watching that scene on The Little Nyonya's DVD, which was around end Jan to early Feb. later, in Apr, during Star Awards, i realised i was rooting for Jeanette to clinch Best Actress subconsciously. i remember talking to mx on the phone and she was like 'i don't like her (Jeanette)' and i felt conflicted because i had some kind of positive feeling towards Jeanette LOL. i've never revealed this before but i'm doing it today. and that was the start of my journey with Jeanette.

and so, i spent the rest of the year getting to know Jeanette. and man, i was one really crazy fan back then. i bought a notebook, dedicated it to Jeanette, and started writing random stuffs on it. stuffs like her profile that i found while googling. it was a very long profile, about 2 pages long. and i pasted random newspapers/magazines cuttings. and some other embarrassing stuffs that i'd prefer to let only myself know HAHA. i even brought that notebook to school, read it over and over again.

i also did crazy stuffs like recording the number of likes Jeanette has on her facebook page, ever since she created it. (i was the 262nd btw HAHA) 

fun fact: she has 1,018,528 likes now hehe

 

towards the end of 2009, Jeanius started their very own website. and from there, my love towards Jeanette grew stronger since i could know Jeanette's news and stuffs on a regular basis.

in 2010, i was a really, really crazy fan. if you think i'm crazy now (over Mayu), you definitely don't know what "crazy" really means in my dictionary. well.. i don't remember much because everything is so blur in my mind. i do know i created fanpages on facebook, fan sites, fan accounts, etc. and i was really defensive and would do really crazy stuffs to haters. there's this incident where i don't remember the details, but it seems like i was really overboard. i went back to view the hate account last year and apparently the person threatened to report me to my school (since i had those info on my profile) and all. i don't remember anything though. i couldn't find my comments anymore either, so they were probably deleted. but it was so serious till the extent of notifying my school LOL. (luckily they didn't)

i started knowing a couple of Jeanette fans through fb in mid 2010. and she was in Jeanius, so i started wanting to join. but my mum didn't allow, because of studies & all. well i was an immature 13 year old then so i really hated that and kept begging & crying and all. but the answer remained the same HAHAHA.

in Aug, I FINALLY MET JEANETTE. well i did meet her once in 2009 but at that time i wasn't very crazy and i didn't even know it was Jeanette.. i was just passing by the event and Jeanette so happened to be there, so i wouldn't count that as meeting her. but anyway, YES I MET JEANETTE!

(was my phone really that lousy..)

i.. eventually joined Jeanius secretly in Nov 2010 lol. but it was useless actually, because i couldn't tell my mum i'll be going for Jeanette events, so i didn't even attend any HAHAHA. i wanted to go for Jeanette's 10th year anniversary gathering in the same month, and i tried lying to my mum that i'll be going to my friend's house but she still didn't allow HAHAHAH.

in Dec 2010, i wanted to go for Breakout's roadshow so badly that i kept begging & crying non-stop. literally. i just sat on the floor beside my mum crying non-stop LOL. but she didn't allow me in the end HAHAHA. my friend who lived near the roadshow place offered to go and get the breakout calendar for me (they were giving out calendars). she wasn't even a fan of Jeanette!! and she travelled all the way from the west to the east to pass me the calendar. thinking back, she really did a lot for me wow. i definitely wasn't appreciative enough back then though.

but i had the best end to 2010 & the best start to 2011!!! my mum allowed me to go for a countdown event nearby and Jeanette was going!! i didn't go as Jeanius though, because my mum was following and i couldn't let her find out HAHA. my 2nd time meeting her!!!!!!!!!

i was really, really, really happy to be able to meet her again. i don't have any pictures, because i took videos instead. i sat behind Jeanius (& behind my friend, who was in Jeanius) and it felt good being able to feel the atmosphere HAHAHA.

in 2011, things remained the same. i was still equally crazy over Jeanette. but in Oct/Nov, because of my good results, my mum offered me 4 choices: an iPod, iPad, iPhone or to join Jeanius. i chose Jeanius obviously. HAHAAHHA and that was the start of my journey in Jeanius!

and in Dec, I WENT FOR A GATHERING WITH JEANETTE!!!!!!!! (3 years later i can still feel the excitement hahahaha)

my very first photo with Jeanette - i'll always remember this moment.

ahh good times indeed.

hmm. in 2012 things started becoming a little different. maybe it was me becoming SLIGHTLY - just slightly - more mature, in the sense that i wasn't as crazy as before. but my love and support towards her remained. just.. less crazy.

Jeanette later published her book on Valentine's!! 14/02/2012 ♥
and i managed to attend her book signing event!!! it was a tough "fight" though. the event was on a saturday and i had tuitions on saturdays. i had to beg my mum like mad and it involved tears. but this event wasn't just any event though, it was an event to commemorate the launch of her FIRST book. this moment will never return so it was a really special event. my mum eventually relented and yeah.

but i later went back to tuition after the event LOL. sad life, i had 2 tuitions on that day. skipped one but had to go for the other HAHAHA. (it felt good wearing Jeanius' club tee to tuition hehe)

hmm what else.. oh and i managed to meet her at another event again! i really treasure all these events because at that time, events were mostly on saturdays (when i had tuitions) so i wasn't able to make it to many events, even though my mum already allowed me to join Jeanius. so meeting her was rare. in July, SK Jewelry event!

beautiful princess ♥

then 2013 came. it was a life-changing year.. in a couple of aspects. i'll keep this for later since i'm trying to blog this chronologically hehe!

in Mar/Apr, I FILMED WITH JEANETTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes i filmed with Jeanette!!!!!!! together with Jeanius!!!!!
for the drama The Dream Makers!!!!
i was actually visible on TV oh my god. i was actually recognised by my classmate the day after HAHAHAHAHA.

so yeah. Jeanette's role in that drama was an actress, and they got Jeanette's fanclub members to act as  fans of the role Jeanette's playing. hehehehehehehhee
ever since i started liking Jeanette, i've always had a liking towards the entertainment industry. i've always wanted to see drama productions and all. it was also my dream to be able to take part in a drama production some way or another. and being able to act as an extra realised my dream! and after filming, we went for lunch with Jeanette!!! yes i actually dined with Jeanette before hehehehe. well not really "dined with" since we sat at different tables but the meaning is still there ♥

omg ramen

in May, managed to send Jeanette off at the airport!!!! it was on my last day of school, but i had to collect report book & all on that day. i barely made it in time to send her off. i had to resort to taking a taxi from school right after i collected my report book hahaha. i even went there in half-uniform, but luckily i had time to change from school skirt to shorts once i reached the airport! but anyway, it was really really rushed. there were no empty taxis and empty ones didn't wanna stop for me?!?!  but i made it eventually so all's safe. i also got my 2nd individual photo with Jeanette. ♥

ANDDDDDDD IN JUNE. eventful month.
first off, The Dream Makers masquerade party! this was a event i actually considered NOT going, because the dress code was not-casual and at that time i don't wear dresses and all. i had NO dresses and NO skirts (lol big difference compared to now). in fact, the last time i wore a dress was when i was a child. so yeah i had my dress comeback thanks to this event HAHA. i'm glad i went though, it was fun. Jeanette also made tiramisu for us!!!! when i wasn't allowed to go events and all, i've always read about Jeanette baking goodies and all and finally i could try it!!

tiramisu ♥♥♥

next, a life-changing event. i'm gonna bring something not related to Jeanette into the picture. and that is AKB. ♥
hahahaha so yeah i actually had free tickets to stylexstyle! Jeanette was going, but initially we weren't given free tickets and tickets were $200 or something, so we weren't told to go. (i'm sure Jeanette understands) but later things changed and we were given free tickets!! and.. yes akb was attending as well. this was the event that sparked off my interest in akb. (i've blogged about this before so won't do it again)

i wasn't very excited when i blogged about this back in june because well i wasn't even a fan of akb HAAHAHAHA. blog post here

i was really far (free tickets afterall) but Jeanette is in this pic HAHAH

and the next day, i met Jeanette again. (YES 2 EVENTS IN 2 CONSECUTIVE DAYS.) because the stylexstyle event ended really late, at midnight, and i had to wake up early for this event, i only slept like 3hrs or something?? totally like some artiste's schedule lol (finishing "work" late but needed to wake up early the next day for "work" again).

meeting Jeanette 2 days in a row was really great! gave Jeanette a surprise birthday celebration as well!

fast forward to november. i'm glad Jeanette didn't have any events from June to Nov. i could concentrate on Os properly and stuffs. and in nov, met her again!! also got my 3rd individual shot with her!

and i got to celebrate countdown with Jeanette once again!! this time it involved 2 places though, Jeanette was performing at marina bay & jurong. so basically we queued from morning just to watch Jeanette's performance at marina bay before running (LITERALLY) to catch transport to go jurong. some really fond memories spent as a Jeanette fan ♥ but the view i had at marina bay was so bad that i could barely see Jeanette performing lol.

and in Feb, got to attend another gathering with Jeanette!!
although it's been years since i've become a fan, this was only the 2nd gathering i've attended.. lol. the event was great and seeing Jeanette laugh really made my day!!!

(can't help but point out that the kanji is written wrongly lmao)

and in Apr.. i could finally attend Star Awards!!!!!!! year after year i had to watch it on tv sadly because i wasn't allowed to go (tuitions, school on the next day, etc) but FINALLY I COULD GO!!! and my first SA was kind of the best SA ever. Jeanette made a huge turnabout and won Ruien in the online voting categories, and although she didn't win Best Actress, i had the chance to listen to what she said to us privately in person after the event. and we had a post-SA celebration in private which was great. i love spending such private times like these with Jeanette.

and in June i think, sent Jeanette off again!!! didn't need to rush now HAHAHA. short but valuable time spent with her. :)

and met Jeanette again for a drama roadshow in Nov!!! although i've been to plenty of events i still treasure moments like these.

(my first "skin" contact with someone popular isn't Mayu, but Jeanette hahahha)

i forgot how to smile. i'm serious. when it was my turn i literally forgot how to smile lol

well i was supposed to go for a gathering with Jeanette in Dec, but suddenly akb announced makeup dates for their 2shot event which clashed with the gathering date, so i made the decision to forgo the gathering. it was a rare opportunity alright!!!! who knows when i'll be back in Japan (but i'll always be in SG, so i'll meet Jeanette again).

and once again, celebrated countdown with Jeanette ♥ thankfully, she's only performing at 1 location so goodbye to all the rushing and whatnot.

and that's it, for now.
my journey with Jeanette will definitely continue. no events yet for this year, but i'll wait patiently. let's meet again Jeanette ♥

so apparently my blogpost started off being really wordy and ended off with lots of pictures. well..
even though my current obsession is Mayu, my love and support towards Jeanette is still the same. you can say Jeanette and Mayu share the #1 position in my heart. they're both in different industries anyway so it's fine hehe. (we'll see again when Mayu graduates and becomes an actress HAHHAHA oops) i almost sent 'Jeanette' instead of 'Mayu' while chatting with a Mayu fan, so Jeanette still holds an important position in my heart alright!

on a serious note, i'm really blessed to discover a gem like Jeanette. I was 12 (well technically 11 since my birthday wasn't over yet) when i discovered her, and now i'm turning 18. i was able to spend the most eventful "growing-up-years" with Jeanette. and technically.. Jeanette watched me grow up. in some ways. see you soon Jeanette!